As someone who has gone through significant turmoil in my family life with my parents, I found this a really insightful book and has persuaded me that it may be beneficial to consider some psychotherapy, and potentially even family therapy - although perhaps it is too late for that (apparently it's never too late). With her usual warmth and wisdom, bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel explores the family: what we inherit and how we can change

Autorė knygoje sudėjo skirtingas šeimas ir jų patirtis. Džiaugsmus, stiprybes, silpnumus ir nuoskaudas. Žavėjo jos pačios empatija ir žmogiškumas. Kiekvienoje istorijoje radau ir ją pačią, jai kylančius jausmus ir kūno pojūčius. Toks dalyvavimas sesijose pasirodė labai jautrus, pakeliantis, palaikantis ir kuriantis ryšį. Stodama į bakalauro studijas pirmoje vietoje įrašiau istoriją, antroje - psichologiją. Studijavau istoriją. Baigus trūko psichologijos, magistre pasirinkau dvasinį konsultavimą, kuriame 50/50 buvo religijos ir psichologijos. Bet vis grįžta mintys, kad gal dar kada tą gryną psichologiją pastudijuosiu. Nes aš tikiu sąmoningo būvimo gyvenime galia tą gyvenimą keisti. Ir dar, matyt, atėjusi iš nestabilios, skilusios šeimos, nešuos kraitelį su savim, tokį, kuris pačiai nepatinka, tokį, kurį vis reikia pakoreguot, pasitaisyt, patuštint, įdėt į jį naujų minčių ir elgesio modelių. Julia Samuel writes with unfailing grace, tenderness and consummate storytelling. Everyone who reads this will learn something profound' Rachel Clarke This was a very interesting book. I am a big proponent of Therapy For Everybody, but family therapy seems to play second fiddle to individual – presumably because of how hard it is to get a group of potentially therapy-averse people around one table. I will say the fact that Samuels is attempting to be inclusive of many different types and varieties of families means that some specificity is lost. This is coming from a place of extreme privilege wherein I do not experience racism or homophobia, nor do I have significant traumas in my past. However, I still have mental health struggles, so the books that speak to me the most are the ones who deal with people like me – people who from the outside look like they shouldn’t have problems. All the same, this is still a valuable book with actionable insights.

Why do some families thrive in adversity while others fragment? How can families weather difficult transitions together? Why do our families drive us mad? And how can even small changes greatly improve our relationships? Julia Samuel is so wise and compassionate. I love every word she writes and long for every reader—every person—to experience her unique and generous way of being in the world.” —Cathy Rentzenbrink

Julia: Well, I just think, you know, the definition of being loved is being known, known as you are on the inside. And how you feel yourself to be with all of you frailties and fault lines and strengths and great capacities and brilliance. I think we can ignore good things as well, but they need to be allowed and that when someone fully sees you with all of that and you known, that is what love is and that they don’t turn away and they don’t try to squish you down. You don’t big you up. Or when you’re looked in the eye and known and loved for that is an amazing thing. And I you know, one person is really enough. But ideally, we do want a bit of a village. You know, we want nine.Of course, if one is reflexive and honest, we always hold views that are difficult to shake off but surely therapy is about active listening and approaching a non-judgmental stance. There are clear examples of a somewhat paternalistic approach and moreover there is nothing within the book that reflects how families access her services, what her fees are and whether that means as a necessity she excludes certain (lower income) families. That sits awkwardly for me as trauma is perhaps disproportionately encountered by those who have poor housing, no or low incomes, have encountered difficulties in the Armed Services and so forth. Indeed, there is no rationale as to why she chose the families that she did. Through eight beautifully told case studies, covering a variety of families across multiple generations, she analyses common issues from losing a parent to children leaving home, and from separation to step-relationships. In doing so she shows how much is, in fact, inherited -- and how much can be healed when it is faced together. What predicts family breakdown? Why do our families drive us mad? What is it the enables some families to thrive despite enormous adversity, when others fragment?

On Families sees bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel turn from her work with individuals to sessions with a wide variety of families. Diving deep into eight case studies, with her usual storytelling panache and the latest academic research, she analyses a range of common issues including separation, step-relationships, leaving home, trauma and loss. In doing so, she reveals insightfully how deeply we are influenced by our families -- including the often under-appreciated impact of grandparents and siblings -- and offers universally applicable insights into how families can face challenges together. Her 12 touchstones for family wellbeing -- from fighting productively to making time for rituals, and from setting boundaries to allowing difference -- provide us with the tools to ultimately be better family members ourselves. I also found it awkward when she told clients 'what a wonderful son' he was. Perhaps that would work with some clients but for others, I feel there is a need for authenticity; after all, can any therapist honestly know whether a grown adult has been a 'wonderful son' from a few therapy sessions? Kita, vis dažniau knygose mane atrandanti tema yra karantinas! Ta universali pasaulio patirtis jos metu! Ir, tiesą pasakius, aš tarsi vis laukiau, ką psichologai tirs ir kalbės apie pandemijos įtakas ir poveikius. Ši dalis buvo labai įdomi, nors jai skirtas foninis, antraeilis dėmesys. 💛 From the start, Samuel emphasises that therapy need not be epic: “For someone using time as a barrier to seeking therapy I would suggest (with a smile) it takes less time than watching a TV series.” She reminds the reader, too, of the power of contrition. How long, after all, does it take to say sorry? Archie takes his adult children out separately to apologise for his shortcomings as a father, and each reports on the transformative effect on their relationship with him.This book is wonderful, wise and empathetic, so useful but also so beautifully written. . . . What I found really interesting is the sense of reciprocity, how Julia is engaged in the process of working with clients, changed by them and their stories, as we are by reading about them. Every family should have one, to consult in times of trouble.” —Gavanndra Hodge Kate: I like the idea though, of, like a 90 second feeling. I’m really into that. Like, I mean, I bet it feels like 5 hours. If I had, like, a stopwatch, though, for, like, shame, it would be a wonderful thing.. To be like, I’m just gonna give myself this many seconds and then see. Kate: When we’re trying to understand our bigger family web and maybe especially. Those in that system who have been unkind, maybe untrue, unfaithful. I mean, maybe the reason why we’re going to therapy in the first place. I wondered if I wonder if we could talk about the limits of this kind of empathy. Because I remember I had an interesting conversation with Tara Westover to remember her. She wrote that book, Educated. It’s this beautiful Kate: Yes. And that they could do that work. Rebuilding a story that they could then live inside. Must have been so powerful for them. Yeah. Especially when things are. When things are so far gone, I imagine it’s much easier just to say, I mean, that happened so long in the past. Let me tell you about the relationship I have thats driving me crazy now. But the hard excavation must have been very intense.